Coaster reviews

Inversions Masterpiece

So, nemesis is not a ride to my taste - I like drops, hangs and airtime and nemesis delivers none of that. But I can acknowledge how insane this little beast is, and I still love it. It is excellently paced, it is strong throughout without any dead moments. The proximity to the terrian and theming is elite and adds chopper moments. Each inversion is smooth and grants amazing forces, and it is whippy as all hell. I did not detect a true rattle on my rides, but it did seem bumpier than I'd expect (seems a train issue more than a track) - this did not register during the ride, but only in the aftermath so was not at all a dealbreaker for me. This is a world-class invert, and whilst not to my taste (i.e., not my favourite) I 100% get why people rate it so highly. The new theming is fantastic. A classic.

Theming Inversions Duration Rattle

This one surprised me. It is known that I am not an inversion heavy person, positive g's are not my bag. YET Smiler has won me over. The sheer mania of not really knowing where you are in the ride is just something, and that's only elevated by how compact this ride is. You don't absolutely speed through each element, so it does not feel dizzying until you actually depart. The lift hills build just the right amount of suspense and I adore the little bunny hops of airtime to break up that positive force that has been built up. It is a masterpiece in pacing when considering the record it holds - and as a result that record may take years still to break. The theming is demented, hilarious and brilliant. The only downside for me is that it currently has a noticeable clunk in to the valleys and is in need of some repainting - could benefit from some work which I expect will come soon. Unexpected winner.

Theming Masterpiece

Prefacing this with - this is meant to be a family ride, so do not expect be super intense but also... in the same vane do not expect it to be tame. The theming is literally world class, especially for any wooden coaster. The pre-show somehow works with the queuing system (and I don't even know how). The best thing about this ride is how different and great the front and back feel - most rides there is a clear winner. This one there is not. Front feels incredibly whippy, it feels unruly in speed and the laterals are insane. Whereas at the back, though there is no big drop, you get huge pops of airtime and a less lateral heavy ride. So I love the back, but my brother loves the front, and I think that's awesome. This ride, it's something else, it's deceptive, dynamic and a joy to ride. End of day rides on a warm day, are elite. An absolutely insane part of Alton's line up.

Comfort Fun Theming

Such a relaxing ride and surprisingly comfortable. The 'backwards' / on your back portion is so fun. Makes a great break from the more intense rides of the park but does desperately need retheming and some under track theming (which it currently completely lacks, so makes for an ugly visual). I gather they will retheme to fit with the Phalanx vibe, but lets hope it's sooner rather than later! This is not the ride I would remove from the park, as I think it serves a niche in the country and the park - so I do hope it stays, as it is a perfectly fine and reliable thing.

First Drop Too short

Right. This is a real one trick pony. Being the first B&M dive coaster it is a bit of a novelty, and the sheer ridiculous nature of building the drop in to the ground is so sick. The drop is good, the best at the park (not that there's any competition) and it does it well. I wish they could hold the pause longer, even by 1-2s. The ejector from the drop is pleasant and the fact it even goes underground into darkness and the mist does up the intensity. It is very solid, but not much to it and that's okay.

Launch Harness Discomfort

Honestly, this ride is nearing the end of its life. The launch is punchy, and only shadows to stealth. However, it is rough and rickety so everything after the launch is rendered distracted forcelessness as a result. You manage some floater airtime on route but lord. This thing needs to go, replace it with something less painful. Because honestly, the layout does not warrant a renovation. The theming does not tie in well, and the fact they haven't upped the theming is maybe a good thing for us rita non-enjoyers.

First Drop Nice surprise! Fun Too short

I desperately wish the trim on the drop was not there because even with it, the drop rivals most at the park. The layout to the shed is a bit meandering, and should be longer with more elements but it is a pleasant ride. The best part is that drop track, really funny and then the backwards snaking is fab. The humourously fast drive back in to the station is great too :') Theming is great, and it is a very strong ride, that I wish they just let it be less trimmed and made the changes to the trains to allow it - but alas.

Fun Capacity

It is not the best maurer spinner in the country, Dragon's Fury has that title, but it is still solid. Could use better blending in to the surrounding themed areas - sticks out so much, and has done for several years. Best ridden unbalanced as always but a good bit of fun.

Location Masterpiece Duration

'Choo Choo'. I love this ride, and for the most part I love it because the ops clearly have the time of their life running this one. It's pot luck how many cycles you get, if it's quiet and the last ride of the day - good luck you'll be there till sundown. Great interactions with the rapids, wonderful vantage points and neat theming. Just enjoyable, not thrilling but it ain't meant to be. What flying fish wishes it was.

A retrospective. I remember loving this ride when I was younger, and vividly remember it getting rougher and rougher, until it was unrideable. Corkscrew was a game changer for the UK and I am glad Alton paid homage and kept their track for their entrance. In truth, corkscrew was my first taste of an inversion and for that - I remember it fondly.

Discomfort

This was the most painful spinning wild mouse I have ever done. Poorly maintained, laterals are painful. Get the cred and go.

Discomfort Pointless

Rattle rattle. Insanely sharp brakes when not fully loaded - not much redeeming about this at all.

Theming Smoothness Layout

I have to give my kudos the Drayton. The theming (and retheming of Frontier Falls) is fantastic. The ride is insanely smooth (never ridden anything this smooth before) and is utterly unique. Cycle 1 is a little more tame than cycle 2 (all hail cycle 2). The tire drive launches are surprisingly punchy and pick up a lot of speed, leading to some really pleasantly whippy cornering and the drops are actually decent, and it is fantastically paced. It is the best true family coaster in the country and one of my tops in the country. I would not be surprised if we see more of this type of thing opening up around the world. If drayton keeps this up, we could see ourselves with quite the family park battle on in the UK.

Intensity Discomfort

The new trains are pretty comfortable (albeit ugly), so imagine my surprise to find that the inversions were really quite rough and headache inducing. Either way, the zero-g roll is fantastic and the inversions are surprisingly intense - not to my taste but a lot will like it. I dread to think how uncomfortable this would have been standing up.

Comfort Smoothness

Quite a forceless family boomerang, but does it's job and is fairly smooth. The theming is out of place and jumbled, but hopefully they will capture it in to the western area and make it look the part for next year.

Theming

A bit slow, but lovely custom layout and theming, very relaxing :D

Smoothness

Nice little kiddie coaster, and fits perfectly in this area. Quite whippy!

Airtimes Location Layout

Endlessly charming, has some good airtime and I hope lives for many many more years. It is more dull than most but makes up for it in location and charm.

Pointless

Done similar models from fabbri, and this one really sucks. Completely forceless, next to no spin - just a bit of a dud.

Intensity Discomfort

Looking really dingy, and quite rough throughout. However, it is very unique and surprisingly forceful with good laterals. Think if they did some work and made the throughput better it could be a little crowdpleaser.

First Drop Intensity Rattle Headbanging

Okay, if this coaster was even 50% smoother - it would be an sleeper hit intensity monster (I do love the feeling the old vekoma drops give). However, this by far gave me the worst headache from any ride. Unbelieveably rough through the cobra roll. Really dampens the fun.

It's a tivoli, it does the thing.

Location Duration Intensity

I can only describe Vampire as dated and strange. It was not uncomfortable or rough for me, but it just did not do very much which I do think is a tell of it's age (and the fact arrow coasters seem to be like that). The most fun thing is the swinging through the trees and buildings feeling, but not really any intensity whatsoever. I do like the old school theming and it is a charming ride, but whether it can last much longer we'll see.

Launch Hangtime Discomfort Layout

I have a bone to pick with Mandrill and that is why did you choose looks over feeling. It's quite bouncy, so the backwards portion in particular can feel nauseating and the helix is useless. However, I like the inversion with it's hangtime and the launches are quite punchy so that saves the ride. It fits the park well, but I feel like they could have gone for a better layout for experience.

Fun

If I were to pick a ride that I would say is the most FUN this would be in my top 3. An unbalanced car on this is so stupid, giggle inducing and wickedly unpredictable and intense for it's stature. It is a lot milder when riding balanced, but still shockingly intense. The drops are great but the real highlight is spinning like a mad man (and I hate spinning normally). It is a little unreliable it seems, and capacity is pretty stinky but who cares - go off peak and go make yourself giggle.

Airtimes First Drop Hangtime Reliability

There's no doubt about it, we have a world class ride in the UK. Yes it is on the shorter side, which I am personally okay with just because of how intense the ride feels. That first drop is pure magic, free floating then diving down. The outerbank is an insane feeling, so bizarre and just fantastic. And for me, someone who adores hangtime, this was made for me. The theming is not the best, and I hope they can fix up the landscaping which would help big time. The splashdown trim is a bit aggressive but necessary, and I also have no ill feelings towards that. Now, the 'rattle' is there on some trains (and only on some of the central cars) but it isn't painful or bad, it's just there - hopefully gets fixed over closed season (along with a myriad of reliability issues). And as expected, Mack's restraints are very comfortable. I love this ride, and whilst not perfect - it's the closest we have to it on our island and certainly my top. Can't wait to get a back row ride next season!

Launch Ejectors Too short

Trains are not great and could use updating, but that launch is killer, and on the back you can get some real whip over the top hat. My big flaw with stealth is that because it's so short the breakrun right after the airtime hill is harsh, crotch and ribs straight into the harness everytime.

First Drop Theming Comfort Too short

My underrated baby. My top theming at thorpe, ultra comfortable restraints and nice bit of intensity through all the elements. utterly re-rerideable, just wish it was 50% longer.

Inversions Layout Headbanging

Sadly, compared to my rides on this last year - this boy is progressively getting rougher. The headbangs on this are starting to rival colossus - and I feel alone in this finding. Think this is partially due to the restraints being a poor fit for me too. More comfortable on inside seats and has a very strong first half which deadens in the latter half. It is, obviously, no match for Reborn. Theming is okay, but needs some touching up really.

Airtimes First Drop Theming Headbanging

I adore this ride, and on the 2nd row (and inner seats preferably) there is no pain and is pretty smooth for a Euro-Fighter. However, a bad seat can be very rough. Either way, the theming is elite and that first blind drop into the roll is just fantastic. The airtime you get throughout is some of the best. If only it were more consistent!