Coaster reviews

Airtimes Launch Rattle Capacity Layout

On the front row, Rita is at least semi-enjoyable. A lot of the poor transitions and the potholes are not as noticeable, and the launch at least feels decently powerful. Elsewhere on the train, it's a real mess though. The transition out of the launch is far too aggressive and slams your head left into the restraint, and the helix after the first hill is terribly rough. The rest of it isn't much better. Combine that with worst-in-chain shambolic operations (3+ minute dispatches and a front row queue that often moves quicker than the main one), the worst cattle pen queue in the land and trains that somehow are more cramped than the exact same ones that Stealth runs, They stink as well from being stored out in the open. This is definitely the weakest thrill coaster at Towers and one that hopefully will be swapped out for something significantly better in the near future

Inversions Layout Headbanging Harness Discomfort

Colossus seems to be worse every time I ride it. Not sure if it's my tolerance going down, or the ride genuinely getting worse, or perhaps there's only so much punishment one's groin area can take. Either way it now ranks as one of the worst coasters in the country. And it's entirely because of the god awful trains. There's really nothing wrong with the layout, and it doesn't ride overly rough either, just a few bits of poor profiling. But with legroom that even Ryanair would deem unfit for humans, seats that make a church pew feel like a reclining armchair, and restraints resembling one of the traps from it's next door neighbour Saw, every single flaw is exposed in the most brutally painful of ways. Expect the cobra roll and corkscrews to slam your head into the breezeblocks next to your ears, and the 5 heartlines take turns to crush your crotch into dust as you slam into the restraint and then back down into the seat. There's really no enjoyment to be had from this. As long as those trains remain, i think Colossus is destined to stay very low in my rankings

Smoothness Duration

It's a tiny ride but great for the kids, very pretty with the landscaping, very smooth and you get 3 laps, whats not to like!

Fun Layout Duration

This is a great powered coaster. Really good long layout with some nice helixes and some great interaction with the log flume. 2 lap special as well which is always good fun. Really comfortable trains as well, individual lap bars and tonnes of space even for tall riders. Very enjoyable ride

First Drop Intensity Ejectors Rattle

Speed is a seriously underappreciated coaster. Brilliant first drop that's very very intense, followed by the craziest ejector hill in the country, the speed it goes over that is mad. The rest of the layout is good fun and really intense, definite grey out territory on the loop and finale helix. For a Eurofighter that's getting on a bit, it's still pretty smooth, particularly in the back row, with just one really bad jolt in the helix. The front is less comfortable for some reason but still a lot better than Saw the Ride. This and Megafobia give Oakwood a brilliant one-two and easily some of the best airtime going. A ride not to be missed!

Location Fun Layout

Always enjoy these Tivolis with their crazy long trains and janky transitions, and the location right in the trees makes this one of the best ones. Always good fun

Harness Pointless

Absolutely the biggest heap of crap I've ever ridden. There are absolutely no good point to it at all, it just sucks

Duration Pointless

I like that you get 3 laps. That's about all I can say about it other than its probably my most embarrassing cred. Not even sure it should count as a coaster but I will count it anyway. Still not the worst coaster at the park as long as Creepy Crawler is still there

Airtimes Inversions Pace Rattle Discomfort

The Smiler is probably the best executed coaster in the world. Never before has a theme, soundtrack and ride experience come together in such a wonderfully messed up way. IMAscore's terrific work is as irritating as it is brilliant, the catchiest of scores that you will never forget. The queue is a mammoth trek if all the extensions are open in the chaotic environment of a below-coaster cattle pen, with the music pumping out around you. You head up to the station, which is rather lacking in theming but that just adds to the hot mess feel. Then you spend the next 3 minutes being rattled around in the craziest way possible, and the entire experience is mind-blowingly addictive. Sure, it's not all that comfortable if you're on an outer seat, the first corkscrew drop has developed a pothole to rival any on the M6, and the cobra roll into the penultimate inversion is more infamous for it's error than Matt Hancock. But every now and then you get a front row ride in a middle seat and are reminded that it's a phenomenal coaster with some genuine world class moments, most notably the awesome sea serpent roll into the superb ejector airtime hill. I love the smiler, despite it's flaws, it's a brilliant, crazy experience and Alton Towers wouldn't be the same without it

First Drop Pace Intensity Rattle

Quite suddenly, Nemesis Inferno has become extremely intense, possibly even more intense than it's Alton Towers sister. The loop in particular is a grey out moment every time for me, either up into it on the front row or as you exit it on the back. The last 2 helixes are very intense too, a great finale to the ride. The pre-lift section is fantastic as well, particularly when the fog is working, a very unique start to a coaster. Unfortunately the other thing it's developed of late is a fairly strong rattle at the back of the train, particularly in between the corkscrews and the turn after the zero g roll. Not painful or anything, just irritating. Not so strong at the front though. Overall a strong ride for Thorpe Park and a decent example of the trademark compact B&M invert.

Location Smoothness Harness Dead spots

Standard Zyklon layout but very smooth and not too trimmed. First drop is fun, as is the helix, the rest of the layout doesn't do a whole lot though. The harness, whilst not uncomfortable, is rather unnecessary. Good fun though, and the lack of roughness and non-instant brakes help it out a lot. Always love a nice view of the sea and Southsea Esplanade as well

Location Smoothness Ejectors Discomfort Layout

Rides like this have no right to be so fun, it's basically a wacky worm with an extra dip and spinning trains, but you get good spin on the back and the drop really yanks you, great pop of ejector airtime. Nice and smooth too and a lovely location on the seafront. Not a comfortable ride though, trains are very tight and that ejector is a bit painful with the hard plastic seats.

Launch Pace Hangtime Capacity

This is a great investment into Chessington, in terms of the ride experience anyway, and easily the best ride on park. I was really quite surprised by how good the ride was, particularly with it's family-thrill billing. But what we've got is some really good theming, which will only get better as the planting grows up around the area, a nice snappy launch through the station, and a great layout which is paced absolutely perfectly to deliver a good ride experience, but without being too intense for it's 1.2m height limit. Particular highlights for me are the spike in the back row, which is awesome and gives a nice airtime moment, that launch, the inversion which is taken at a great speed to give some nice hangtime, and the helix up the jaguar shrine which starts out decently intense and then gives some great sideways hangtime as the train stalls to make it's return journey. This really is a great coaster for it's family thrill tag, and Chessy and B&M have done a superb job. The clear problem here though is the capacity, hence it loses a star, because this is one slow moving line. The virtual queue is working well, and I hope Chessington keep it in place for a while yet, because this thing will be pulling 120 minute queues left right and centre otherwise. And the not waiting behind the airgates thing is stupid, they need to get that sorted ASAP as it adds unnecessary time onto the process. Whether it's the right investment for this particular park - one of the busiest in the UK and certainly the one that struggles most with queues on busy days - remains to be seen but for now, I look forward to enjoying plenty more rides on a great coaster

First Drop Inversions Intensity Capacity Harness Discomfort

I came off Shockwave the first time and said I have no idea why I enjoyed that, but I did! There's no doubt that the restraints are very uncomfortable, and very awkward. There's no doubt that this plus only running 1 train means the dispatches take forever. There's no doubt it's short. And there's no doubt that the brakes hit so hard at the end that you see those who aren't expecting it fly forward into their big uncomfortable restraint, which must hurt a bit. But both rides I had were just great fun. For a nearly 30-year old ride, it runs surprisingly smoothly all the way round, the first drop is really good, and all 4 inversions are very intense and taken at a really good speed. The highlight being the zero g roll which is pretty crazy, but actually feels really well profiled. Not to mention how unique the ride is. Stand ups have long been out of fashion but I hope Drayton can keep it going for a while yet, and I actually hope it stays as a stand up rather than getting the floorless treatment. Just a great fun, unique ride and i'm very pleased I finally got to experience it

Theming Fun Layout Capacity

This is the perfect junior coaster. Themed to every kids favourite train book and show, and every adults favourite kids book and show, it could never lose really. But the layout of this ride is brilliant for what it is. Nice pre-lift section, then a fun helix that's taken with some good speed, before the highlight of the ride which is a snappy right turn into a hill which gives a nice little pop of air. Then you get the joy of going round again. Great family ride this!

Intensity Smoothness Capacity Lap Bar

This is the best of the family boomerangs i've done. Good fun layout with some fairly intense moments going forward. Nice view from the top as well, and the drop down is always fun on these. I still don't like Vekoma's lap bars, too bulky and not very generous if you're tall, but the seats are at least comfortable. Good fun ride

Theming Location Pointless

As a coaster, bar the second helix which is kinda fun, it's pointless. But the new vikings theme is great and the location by the lake is lovely as well. The motors also make a great sound as they huff and puff the train round the layout

Fun Smoothness Layout Theming Lap Bar

I like to call this Poundland The Ride. Anyone who's walked through a discount shop's Halloween aisle before will know what I mean. Lots and lots of tacky zombies dotted around, some not-so-special effects, and the 3 zombies in cages on the final brakes are particularly comical. Add to that the preshow which kills the capacity of the ride, very boring 10 mile walk from the preshow to the station, the equally long exit corridor, and the fact I don't care for the presence of scare actors, and it's safe to say I'm not a fan of the theme. It's a shame because I really enjoy the actual coaster, really smooth, some nicely paced turns, and I love the effect where the train stalls and appears to need restarting, that's very clever. I can only imagine how enjoyable it was as X, and how enjoyable it would be with an Imascore EDM soundtrack and a load of lasers and strobes, and the return of the corridors to the queue line they were designed to be. But unfortunately as long as it carries the WD theme it'll just remain Poundland The Ride to me

Fun

Fun little kids coaster, decently fast for a small ride, 2 laps, nice and smooth, what's not to like

Lap Bar Launch Masterpiece

I will admit, the first time I rode Taron, I was just a bit underwhelmed. The ride was very good, and the whole area of Klugheim is amazing, but I didn't quite get the hype for it. This was early in the day, and i'd had a 90 minute wait in sweltering heat, so when I noticed later in the day that it had just reopened after downtime and only had a short queue, I had to give it another shot. And oh boy, did it blow me away. When people say Taron warms up, Taron really warms up! Both launches are superb, though the second really does hit, my second favourite launch only behind Stealth. Both halves of the layout have some amazingly whippy transitions, and there's 3 really strong moments of ejector airtime, which stand out even more because this isn't really an airtime layout. Even the trimmed hills at the end gave some nice floaty stuff, not as good as feeling like you're going to be thrown into a rock wall, but still fun. And even after a long ride, you still hit the brakes with some good speed. All of this whilst speeding round an incredible themed area, with numerous head choppers and even a little sprinkle from the waterfall at the end of the second launch. And Intamin's train design is one of the best ever, super comfortable and the lap bar really makes you feel exposed to what's happening. A truly spectacular coaster in a truly spectacular themed area, and don't forget, if like me you get off and it's missing that little something, go round again a few hours later. It will blow you away as well

Fun Layout Duration

I know what you're thinking: What makes a 30-year-old mack powered coaster so special that it gets 5 stars? Sure, it's a custom layout, has good interaction with the river rapids, and even has some nice theming, but really, 5 stars? Well, it's simply because the staff on this ride are the very best i've ever come across. Not just once or twice, but on every single ride, they're just brilliant. You get interactions aplenty, shoutouts, extra laps sometimes, plenty of choo choo action. It's not right that a 30-year-old mack powered coaster is that much fun for grown adults, but it's certainly always a highlight of a visit to Alton Towers

Fun Smoothness Layout Theming

I returned to Alton Towers for the first time since experiencing the worlds newest and best flying coaster at Phantasialand, but on riding one of the worlds oldest ones again, it still stacks up very well. Don't get me wrong, Galactica is not as good as FLY, but it's super smooth, comfortable and really simulates flying very well. Where it so obviously lacks it's 20-years-junior counterpart, is theming, in that Galactica has a portal and some blue lights, and that's it. But ride experience wise, it is still great fun and very enjoyable, and it runs pretty well as well when it's on 2 stations and 3 trains. Always a must ride for me at Towers

Pace Fun Capacity Discomfort

Completely standard wild mouse, with some nice mexico/western style theming. A few amusing props down in the queue, and plenty of sheds around the layout. It runs pretty fast too, not a lot of trimming most days. It's certainly not a comfortable ride though, the lap bars are bulky and very solid, meaning when you hit the instantaneous brakes you get thrown straight into them. And it's even worse if you're on your own in a row, where the centre bar is between your legs. Yeah, ouch. Capacity is also abysmal in a park which gets very busy. Kinda fun though, apart from the ball crushing

Location Pace Duration Rattle Harness

Vampire is a true classic, both at Chessington and more widely. As with any classics, it has it's flaws, namely the trains which are not comfortable, and the ageing track naturally isn't completely smooth in a few places, more noticeably when at the front of the train. Luckily the back is much less janky and also the best place to ride. The swing feels more natural at the back, and it also gives some really nice intensity on the drop off the second lift, and the famed best part of the ride, the big drop down into the tunnel. The rest of the ride is great fun, good swing throughout the layout, and a good duration as well. The theming, whilst still good, is hampered by knowing how it used to be, although the station and queue retain a nice eery atmosphere. This is a great family coaster, fits so well into the Chessington lineup, and hopefully once it gets to the end of it's service life, they're able to retrack it or modify it to retain it in something like it's current form

Theming Comfort Masterpiece

Of all the rides I've ridden, none have left me awestruck in quite the same way as FLY. Let alone doing so before I even rode it. The whole area of Rookburgh is absolutely spectacular, walking down into the area off of the main street is like something out of a movie, and the whole area is as well. It's the little details for me, the smoke coming out of grates in the floor, the supports have extra pipework on them to fit in with everything else, i could go on and on and on. By far the best themed area I've ever seen. Once you've stood in awe for a few minutes, you can enter the pretty long queue line, where you get some amazing views of what you're about to ride, so I don't mind that it's so long. The locker system they operate is very intelligent, very easy to use, and it also adds to the whole idea of the AirRail company, check in the baggage, go through security etc. Then you enter the station, again amazingly themed, and board the very comfortable trains. Vekoma really knocked it out of the park with the loading system, and the way you transition from sitting to flying. You go through a short preshow section, still in seated position, until you reach the launch, where the train rotates, and then you're off. Both launches are very good, I do feel like the first had a little more kick though, it really gets going on there. You then enter a layout that is the absolute perfect balance between forceful and the enjoyable sensation of flying. And you really do feel like that, it's pretty incredible. You get a fantastic mix of positives, airtime (yes, airtime on a flying coaster, and it's good airtime too) and some slightly higher up parts where the train slows a little, and you get to look over the whole of Rookburgh. There's a few nice effects on the way round too. This coaster is pretty much perfect, and I really hope somewhere else gets a Vekoma flyer at some point because the whole ride system is exceptional. However, I really doubt any subsequent ones could top the masterpiece that is F.L.Y.

Theming Smoothness Discomfort Lap Bar

I don't much enjoy these family boomerang rides, the trains are pretty cramped for the taller person, and the backwards bit never agrees with me much. However Raik gets points for continuing the areas spectacular theming, and for it's interaction with Taron. Also credit to the park for installing a decent family coaster as well as their flagship thrill ride. One and done, but at least it looks great. On a quiet day, you may also get lucky and go round twice. Never seen a boomerang operate like that, so fair play to them!

Airtimes Fun Duration Discomfort

I'll knock my con out of the way first, this is not a comfortable ride. The seats are very hard, and they feel extremely small, there's very little support for your back particularly if you're taller like myself. I found myself not enjoying the ride as much as I could've done because of this. However, regardless, this is a hell of a good mine train. The length is crazy, it feels like it's going on forever. A few of the drops and hills give genuine airtime, not crazy but still pretty forceful. Some of the helixes and turns are pretty snappy too, for what is the parks main family coaster. There's no doubt that layout wise, it's one of the best family coasters going. Impressive ride, I just wish it was a bit more comfortable so i would want to do rerides!

First Drop Theming Intensity Dead spots

This is a very good invert. Phantasialand are the masters of theming, and Black Mamba is no exception, the whole Africa section, and the ride, look great. There's a nice drumming style soundtrack, that's quite light and fun in the area, but takes a more aggressive turn when the train dispatches the station. For me, the first drop is the big highlight, it's not massive but it's pretty steep and it whips you round to the right at the back of the train. The rest of the layout after that is the usual intense B&M invert stuff, although I thought the corkscrews really punched on this, very forceful. The only down side really, is it peters out at the end, you don't swing into the brake run with a lot of speed, but it's only a minor complaint really. Very enjoyable ride

Duration Rattle Dead spots

Not a great junior coaster, pretty rattly all the way round, only positive is you do get 2 laps. Also don't get the theming, makes no sense at all to me!

Theming Fun Layout

A bland ride with a standard layout, but some decent theming makes it a good enjoyable small coaster