Coaster reviews

Theming Nice surprise! Fun Dead spots

The first half of this ride goes hard. It's super fun, and reminiscent of the greatness of Dino Dash. It's a solid stepping stone family coaster, and the surprise is good too, but after the surprise the coaster simply has absolutely zero momentum left, leading the ride to end on a bit of a nothing note.

Airtimes Lap Bar Rattle Dead spots

I love the straight parts so much, and all of the hills, but it doesn't take corners very well and the helix ends the ride on a bit of a low point. But those hills are classic "good wooden roller coaster" and are more than worth it.

Location Fun Smoothness

Much better than I was expecting. Orkanen is a super fun layout and can't wait to find more of these. A little short but we got a two-lap special which was great

Launch Inversions Discomfort Layout

Layout just has no clue what it's doing, twisting in random directions with no real sense or reason to them, tracks awfully and quite rough in some spots. Combine the two, especially seated in the back where you can't see what's coming up, and it equates for a bit of a bad ride. Just like Speed at Oakwood, the 'good' ends after the ejector hill (which is at the beginning of the ride). Even in the front it's difficult to brace for what's coming next, it all adds up to a ride that simply stops being fun after the first 25%.

First Drop Pace Smoothness Harness Intensity

For me, the main thing that I look for in a coaster is "an out of control experience without doing my head in". And while Fønix is smooth, in fact one of the smoothest coasters I've ever ridden, it is a deceptively tame ride. A coaster that looks like it should be fantastically wild from offride retains a sense of feeling very controlled & calculated throughout, with the combined restrictiveness of the vest stopping you from being flung too far in really any direction. It is an awesome 'first inversion' coaster, and excellent for families, but doesn't quite hit what I look for in a coaster.

Inversions Launch Intensity

I LOVE THIS RIDE

Theming Inversions Fun Theming Dead spots

"Why do you have theming twice?" Because the queue and station theming is awesome. It is really really good, some people say the theming is better than the ride. But after that launch, all of the theming is thrown out the window. There is, to put it in as few words as possible, nothing.

Inversions Masterpiece Ejectors

An entertainment masterpiece, The Ride to Happiness has everything you could ever want in a roller coaster. You name it, it has it. Fast inversions, slow inversions, floater, death ejector, heavy negatives, heavy positives, forwards, sideways, backwards, onboard audio, over water, spinning, hangtime, whip, a killer soundtrack and a single-digit queue time. I've only ridden a couple of "top 100 roller coasters" but even with my comparatively little experience I'm confident in saying this is in the runnings for the greatest roller coaster ever built. Do not doubt the hype, believe it.

Inversions Masterpiece Ejectors

Untamed is a ride that simply does not ever let up. Not a single inch of wasted track with the most powerful airtime I've ever experienced in my life multiple times, with perfectly executed inversions. The double-inverting corner stall, also known as the expertly named 'Lagoon Wave', has you just floating out of your seat throughout the entire element. After that it's a relentless punch punch punch of countless sharp ejector hills as the ride seriously throws you as hard as it can into the top of the lap bar, mixed with smooth inversions in between, and I love it. It might be a bit too painful for some, and thigh bruises await if you marathon it, but it's all worth it.

Airtimes First Drop Duration

That pull over the first drop in the back rows is simply incredible. It's a powerful start to the ride into the camera and a short but excellent tunnel into a hard-hitting double up, and the ride officially begins. A series of left turns turns you round just over 180 into my actual favourite part of the ride, an S bend consisting of two sharp quick downwards turns as you weave under the structure. It throws you hard, and this leaves me in endless laughter every time. The "inversion" took some getting used to as it was a bit of a strange feeling as I'd never gone over like 45 on a woodie before but I got used to it and got round to quite liking it over my seven rides. Left side seats over right side seats. The ride then continued through some brilliant elements including a double down and the finale helix before dropping into a tunnel, then back up into the brakes. Breathless.

Airtimes Launch Intensity Reliability

Stealth is an awesome ride. It's the textbook definition of "one trick pony", but the one thing that it does do is executed so well that it ranks among my favourite roller coasters of all time. Looking down the launch in the front row brings great anticipation, the launch itself is unreal, the drop off the top hat is SO good in every single row and the airtime hill is a good way to round things off. It's intensely rerideable, what are you doing if you go to Thorpe and only ride Stealth once?

Theming Intensity Ejectors Capacity

Fantastic theming, actual sense of fear in the station, violent transitions and THREE moments of ejector airtime. What a fantastic ride. I won't forget that this ride, while it can be smooth, can also be very aggressive and "too much" for some people. It's been pretty consistently smooth for me over the past few years with my last properly "bad" ride being all the way back in 2020. It has admittedly lost a bit of the intensity that it used to have in my first few years of riding it, but I guess that's to be expected with bigger and bigger rides as I start getting on better coasters. Don't get me wrong, Saw is still great and an awesome UK roller coaster! I'm so happy the midcourse brake run isn't trimmed too, it makes for a brilliant finale with the harshest ejector pop on the ride straight into the most intense part, a tiny dive loop that you take at super speed. Thorpe - don't EVER touch this bit, it's perfect as is.

Launch Fun Too short Capacity

Am I overranking this a bit? Probably, but this ride is just such a vibe. The music in the station fits the ride well, and the ops have great taste in music too. Others find big flaws in the restraint system, and this may be a uniqueness bias that I have, but I also had great fun with these restraints. The theming does leave a bit to be desired outside of the trains & station, and the ride is a bit short, but it's still enjoyable. I also wish it was able to operate more than one train

Theming Nice surprise! Discomfort Dead spots Intensity

The second half absolutely carries the coaster. The first half is trimmed to death absolutely everywhere and it feels more like you're waiting for the second half. I understand it's a family coaster but the first half could at least have something to it considering how good the second half is. The trim on the first drop hit so hard I actually felt a bit queasy on it, that was pretty uncomfortable. Just give me the indoor bit please.

Fun Theming Capacity

After seeing the effort put into Clone Zone it was disappointing seeing the outdoor area of the park so empty. They definitely could've done something. Otherwise, decently fun zyklon layout.

First Drop Theming Capacity

While people say that Oblivion is "too short" I would instead argue that the ride's length is perfectly fine for what it is. The theming does a good job anticipating "the big drop" which is what the entire ride is based around. Anything other than the drop would simply just feel out of place. It's a great adrenaline rush that never gets much of a queue, making it highly rerideable. I love how the ride doesn't pull out from the first drop until it's underground, so spectators from offride don't see that bit. Big fan of that. I don't think a ride like this will ever be built again, and that's quite sad actually. Quick but sweet rides with bigass tunnels that probably took up the majority of the budget, you simply don't get them any more.

Capacity Harness Discomfort

Scotland didn't treat this one well. Lots of shuffling around, useless OTSRs that do nothing, and uncomfortable valleys. Was definitely expecting worse but that doesn't mean it's not the raw definition of 'one and done'. It has absolutely no place in the park and is just a bit of a stinker that has no reason to be there. Although I did enjoy the helix, a little bit, it doesn't save the ride in any way. Leave the queue and go do... any other coaster in the park. You don't need to ride this if you don't count credits. I promise.

Pace Fun Smoothness Too short Capacity

Very enjoyable wooden coaster but ends quickly, great fun! Got quick pops of air even in the morning. The queue is a draaaag on one train sadly, but I imagine things would move slightly faster if they put a second one on.

Theming Location Duration

Screaming through the station is great fun

Nice surprise! Fun

Sure

Airtimes Launch Smoothness Dead spots

Fantastic launch with great ejectors on the top hat, and cool layout but slows down a bit after the midcourse with a very drawn out hill that could've been a bit sharper, but good ride nonetheless.

Duration Discomfort

Wish the seats were more comfortable than hard plastic but always enjoyed these tivolis nonetheless

First Drop Too short

Silly little thing

Intensity

The 'literally does not trim on the drop sending you absolutely flying as a result' one

Nice surprise!

The 'doesn't trim in the station so you get a neat pop of air' one

Location

The 'themed with seemingly random props' one

The 'in the middle of a caravan holiday park' one

The 'did it when I was 6 I think' one

The 'next to a waterpark' one

The 'extremely smooth, like actually one of the smoothest coasters I've done' one