Coaster reviews

First Drop Fun Too short Dead spots

it's fun but takes fooorrrreeeeveeerrrr to get back to the station. nice views of rth tho

Theming Comfort Fun

i think this coaster definitely puts the "thrill" in family thrill. for me, this ride tends to switch between 3.5-4.5 depending on the kinda spinning you're getting, but usually the spinning is really good, especially in the back. if you're facing up or down for the helix, even better. it's also surprisingly intense (for a coaster of this calibre) and fast. easy best coaster at the park. love it always

Theming Inversions Masterpiece

i feel like there's a certain point where a rollercoaster feels less like a thrill ride and more like euphoria. that said, i think ride to *happiness* is an extremely fitting name for this coaster. so much happens during the whole experience that it's very difficult to put into words, but i can try my best... the jojo roll straight out of the station is an extremely solid start especially since you're probably not facing forward for most of it. you're kinda just orbiting. i'm glad that it pauses for a moment before launching to give you a second to process that, before the actual ride begins. because seriously once the ride starts it doesn't really stop until the brakes at the end hit. the first launch hits, the music is blaring, you rise up into that extremely precarious turn-around, into a huge drop. now it *really* picks up, with a banana roll, loop and zero-g roll, all in a row. so that wasn't enough, so after a nice turn, you dive into the second launch, which doubles as an airtime hill, straight into a step-up under flip, which is probably one of the most ridiculous elements i've ever experienced. in the front, you blaze right through the first roll and it's stupidly intense, while the back gets dragged coming back down. the music is ramping up more, now it's snappy airtime and overbanks before you hit the brake run. finally breathe. trying to process everything that happens in this ride sitting on the brakes was borderline impossible. i had high expectations, and they were smashed to disrepair. this is without a doubt the best rollercoaster i've ever ridden and it would take a LOT for something to beat it. oh and by the way, i was really worried about getting sick on this thing, but it really didn't make you feel sick at all. the spinning isn't super fast, i'd describe it more like orbiting. the whole ride feels more like a slow orbit than, say, the aggressive spinning on dragons fury.

Pointless Dead spots Layout

hyde park winter wonderland charging £7 for this should be considered a criminal offence

Fun Discomfort

oh the silly. oh the so silly. being right at the end of the pier, some of the turns feel very precarious and nerve-wracking, and also you're guaranteed some ridiculous spinning thanks to the wind. ridiculously aggressive and jolty. very funny. wouldn't recommend after eating literally anything.

Location Fun Duration Discomfort

ah the classic. it's certainly showing its age but it's still kicking for sure. the first half is great, the sensation of swooping around the trees is just great. the second half is admittedly a bit slower, but it feels like it's building anticipation for the Big Boy drop at the end, which is always the best and most memorable part of the whole coaster. the trains are a bit of a downside, with basically glorified slc trains. they're plastic and have uncomfortable bulky restraints. i don't think they entirely ruin the ride though. since this coaster is likely nearing its end of life, i'm just hoping this coaster has the same sort of life breathed back into it the way nemesis did.

Theming Launch Fun Capacity

my home park finally has a rollercoaster that isn't older than me! and, contrary to popular opinion, this is honestly my favourite coaster at the park. like, yeah, it's not the most amazing thing in the world, but god it's just so fun and silly i can't really get enough of it. i'm not the world's biggest jumanji fan but the theming around the whole area is still awesome, the trains are really pretty, and the station building is also really nice; the hand cutouts are a great touch! i also didn't really have an issue with any bouncing like some other people did. the only real downside of this coaster is that the capacity is, once again, really poor for a park as popular as chessington. that being said though, the virtual queue system was great during the day, and allowed me to get quite a lot done while waiting for my mandrill ride!

Airtimes Theming Capacity Discomfort

always ouch pain snake coaster. this coaster gets jankier each passing year. the aggressive nature is absolutely hilarious but it does sometimes get a bit much, i've come off of this thing oddly dizzy before. i'd be surprised if it's got much longer left at the park :/

Location Fun Intensity Capacity

dragons fury fits the definition of erratic and out of control to a god damn T. it's very aggressive and jolty (in a good way, imo), with a great spin guaranteed almost every single time. it's also got a great, unique layout that winds itself around the land of dragons, which adds to the dragon theme quite well. not that you're probably taking much notice of it since you're probably busy preparing to face a different direction. i love how this coaster kicks things off too, wasting no time; the iconic stupid fast stupid loud lift, straight into the first drop, followed by that crazy huge turn that i've always loved. there are a couple things i have to say that aren't great though. the layout has tons of block brakes, which makes sense and never really slows you down, but it still feels weird to go into a block brake, then go down one drop, then come right back up into another block brake. despite that, the capacity still doesn't seem suitable for chessington, indicative by the fact this coaster gets 1hr+ queues without breaking a sweat. other than that though, i'll always adore this coaster.

Discomfort Pointless

i know this is a kiddy coaster but this is just dumb, yet i keep going back to ride it every time i got to adventure island. go figure.

Comfort Pace Fun Too short

aahhhh it's above an arcade! considering this is a pinfari, this coaster is actually pretty comfortable! it's not super rough or anything. genuinely a neat little coaster.

Pace Fun Discomfort

there's not much to say about this that i didn't say for green scream, excluding the ridiculously long trains of course, because the trains here are a tad more reasonable. still just plain fun but poorly profiled and uncomfortable like any other tivoli. except for whatever reason i managed to grey out on this one. don't really want to know how that happens.

Location Fun Duration Discomfort

i feel like the ridiculous length of the train sells this already. this whole coaster is just bizarre. it's a HUGE tivoli, way bigger than even the standard "Large" layout, such as #LikeMe, and it mostly sits right above the west part of the park, opposite rage. it's really funny and wacky, anywhere you sit won't give a particularly coherent ride experience. at least, one that doesn't feel like it's trying to defy the laws of gravity. obviously with any tivoli, it's also profiled pretty badly and will throw you around a lot, which is especially bad when the restraints on this coaster just kinda don't come down at all. not that it really matters, this is far from the most intense ride out there, but it's still pretty funny either way.

First Drop Fun Intensity Discomfort

rage oh rage my baby. i think i'm biased towards this one since it was my first ever real Big Boy coaster, unless you wanna count turbo too. lol. well, i've ridden a lot of different coasters since my first ride in 2019, and i still come back to adventure island for more rides on this thing. i just don't get tired of it. it's so fun. the first drop will always be awesome, the loop and barrel roll deliver solid hangtime, the cutback and helix are intense, and honestly the whole thing is just pure fun. being one of the first eurofighters, it's definitely gotten a bit rough and janky over the years, but it hasn't really stopped me liking it any less.

Theming Pace Fun Intensity

before riding, i never really understood the criticisms behind this coaster not really being super intense. like, isn't it supposed to be a family coaster? well, i rode it, and yeah it's not all that intense, but honestly it's just fast and has cool drops. it's just fun and i think it does the idea of a "family thrill" coaster perfectly. the theming in the queue is also a nice touch although the three instances of heidi on the screens feels a bit tacky, especially since there's no subtitles or audio, so it's not all that easy to follow in the first place. the whole area is really well themed though!

Capacity Discomfort

i know this is themed after a show, but i'm still not entirely sure who wants to go to an amusement park and be reminded of school. well, a rave happens in the classroom so i suppose it could be worse. uh, anyways, this coaster has weird things in the middle of the seats which make this even more uncomfortable than it already is, merely due to the fact it's a tivoli and you're gonna slide around a lot. especially with all of those laterals. oof.

Theming Fun Intensity Harness Discomfort

this coaster feels super reminiscent of saw, a rollercoaster that i adore already, so i think by virtue it's safe to say i love it. except instead of the horrifying vertical lift we all love, it's replaced by an absolutely ridiculously intense launch. i haven't ridden many launch coasters, but considering i've ridden stealth, which now has the fastest launch acceleration on any operating rollercoaster, i think it's my place to say that for sure. the queue is also beautiful, i can't say i've watched the show it's themed after, but it's definitely got the mysterious vibe it's looking for. as much as i love the intensity and pace of this ride however, it ends up having similar shortcomings to other eurofighters (i know it's *technically* not a eurofighter but it's still a gerst so...). most notably, the restraints kinda suck. i personally didn't find this coaster as rough or rattly as saw, but the restraint got pushed down way too hard during my second ride which hurt plenty. i would recommend the front a lot more than the back, i found my front-row ride a lot more comfortable. overall though? it's a real neat ride. still can't get over how sudden the launch is, it's hilarious.

First Drop Theming Intensity Capacity

sometimes i wonder if this coaster was made for me. i think it has almost everything i adore in coasters. it's unapologetically intense and will probably do a good job at scaring you if you don't like horror. it sure is short but it packs a HUGE punch. it also has a couple of really good airtime moments, and i love that first beyond-vertical drop, because drops beyond 90 degrees are just cool. facing straight into sawblades as well, as well as being told just before the lift that you're gonna die from this. i really adore it honestly. i will say, this coaster does have a pretty noticeable rattle, but honestly i don't care that much. i've never really cared if a coaster isn't glossy smooth, and sometimes it's more fun with it isn't. i'd say saw is a great example of that. the only REAL gripe i have with this coaster is that it doesn't have great capacity. 8-rider trains are fine at a smaller park, but thorpe park gets a LOT of visitors, and those queues can get quite long. i think it could be worse (the way they dispatch two trains at a time is probably a good idea for it, and of course the second train has that cool pre-show at the start), but it could CERTAINLY be better. apart from that, i think i adore literally everything else about this coaster.

Theming Pace Intensity

(written before retrack) in my opinion this is the best coaster in the uk, basically tied with the smiler. nemesis does not have a single dull moment the entire ride, the speed (especially with a 42ft drop???) and intensity are ridiculous, it hugs the terrain as much as it possibly can and still wouldn't dare hurt you 30 years later. this coaster is so good i couldn't think of a single con for it, the only one i considered was "too short" but even then... is it? like it's far from the longest in the world but i don't think it needs to be any longer. i just hope that the retrack keeps the coaster as intense and amazing as it was before! (i can't imagine it wouldn't)

Theming Inversions Intensity Discomfort

there wasn't enough space for me to put all the pros of this coaster. this coaster is craziness in its purest form, the coaster just comes at you with inversion after inversion, and it's so knotted in within itself you really can't tell where you're going. the coaster being split into two halves is great because it means that the coaster doesn't lose pace, and gives you a moment to breathe which is *definitely* something this one needs. i still find it extremely impressive how this coaster was crammed into this tiny space AND has amazing theming (and LORE?). i wouldn't be the first to say it's a masterpiece, that's for sure. p.s. only reason i put discomfort is because i got painfully stapled on my second ride and there's one or two janky transitions that i already knew about before riding, it's nothing atrocious

Theming Nice surprise! Dead spots

i think i should cut this coaster some slack, since it's a family coaster and i shouldn't expect any over-the-top intensity, but jesus this has to be the first coaster i've ridden where you REALLY feel those trims hit. also, i think the "nice surprise" pro is a bit redundant since everyone and their mother knows what happens on this coaster, but i still like it. it's incredibly funny, especially if you're actually riding with the one mother who doesn't know it's coming...

Pace Fun Theming

it's actually a lot more fun than you'd think, i think spinning coasters are always pretty fun and i love spinball with its unpredictability. it's not anything amazing, but it's fun and i like that!

Pace Fun Disappointing! Intensity

yeah i unapologetically rated spinball over this. i don't think it's anything atrocious but after the first launch it really does a whole lot of nothing. it just has a lot of speed that it doesn't do much with.

First Drop Theming Intensity Too short

man it sure is a one-trick pony but i honestly don't care. i had to say that too short is a con for this coaster, but really, i don't even care about the length that much. the shock of the first drop and the intensity of the entire experience is amazing, and i love it. sometimes i feel like it doesn't even need to be longer.

Fun Smoothness Discomfort

i think for most people this coaster is fine. it sure isn't exactly anything special nowadays, but it's just a fun flying coaster, it's not intense but it doesn't really *need* to be, it has the sensation of flight and that's what makes it so fun! unfortunately, personal issue, the flying position that's the main gimmick of this coaster is incredibly nauseating for me, i nearly threw up on my second ride (i already didn't have a great stomach anyway so my mistake) and made the experience really unpleasant. that's just a personal issue, but it did still hurt the experience for me... (apart from that, the restraints alone aren't actually too bad.)

First Drop Intensity Discomfort

i used to really not like this coaster, but with my recent rides in 2021, it actually wasnt too bad. you just gotta brace yourself in some of the turns. its certainly a short coaster but for such a compact ride i cant really complain. i think the roughness can work in the coaster's favour to make it feel a bit more intense than it actually is. although, obviously it still isnt perfect, some of the transitions are really weird and oddly-shaped and the trains are super compact, and its not much better when you pull the restraint down, you cant even hold onto the restraint properly if you wanted to. but whatever, this is a super old ride model and weird things like that are just kinda something you have to expect, and not really worth complaining about. it would probably be better to just avoid the ride if you really cant find any reason to like it. but if you're weird like me and love a good old rough steel coaster, sure, give it a go!