Reviews

White Lightning - Fun Spot America
Evan Schwartz 15 hours ago

Five stars for the most surreal and strangely tender coaster ride of my life. After a long day at Disney I retreated back to my hotel at 11pm. On goog...

Five stars for the most surreal and strangely tender coaster ride of my life. After a long day at Disney I retreated back to my hotel at 11pm. On google maps I saw Fun Spot would close at 12 so I thought why not? And rode a scooter over there. It was 55 degrees and the dead of a Wednesday night. Not a soul in sight at the otherwise cheerfully lit Fun Spot. A sea of carnival-esque rides standing dormant, operators waiting for someone - anyone - to patronize their attraction. I walk up to the entrance to White Lightning just to scope it out. I ascend the stairs and ask the operator “do I pay here?”. “Yeah. Hundred bucks,” he says sternly. I laugh, though I’m not sure I laughed in a way that suggested I understood he was just kidding. “Doesn’t matter. You can just go,” he offered, gesturing me onto the rickety old coaster without my paying any money. I asked if I should sit in front or back. He told me back row is most fun. As I situate myself in the front of the rear car, a woman (mid-20’s I’d say) casually waltzes over: “I’ll go again,” she says with utter stoicism. She takes a seat behind me. As the operators lackadaisically fasten our restraints, I take stock of my senses. On this clear and chilly night, I’m sitting with one other soul on a wooden coaster in a desolate theme park. Not one of us is rushing the operation; getting this coaster up and running feels like a casual time to stop and smell the roses. As the operator checks my restraints, he lets out a half-sincere “thing’s about to fall apart.” Then we’re sent up the loud chain lift. Halfway up the woman behind me shouts “you ever been on Velocicoaster?! I love that one.” and before I could respond were cascading down a thrilling drop, and blasting our way through a rough, ragged, and exciting track layout. “DAMN!” I exclaim as the train comes to a halt. I get up and wave to the operator. “Thanks man,” I say. “Yup,” he nods. The girl behind me says “I’m gonna try the front row.” As I walk away I hear the train ascend the lift once more. But like Orpheus, I feel I mustn’t’ look back at my beloved Eurydice as I exit this dreamlike trance. After traversing the empty, echoing park, I emerge on the sidewalk feeling as if I’ve stumbled out of a dream, my soul momentarily drifting through a dissociated yet sweetly tender underworld of lost apparitions in the night. At Disney I felt like a cog in the corporate machine - get in and out fast as possible, don’t bother the overworked and underpaid cast members, be a fly on the wall and just enjoy your time. At Fun Spot America, I felt something human- as if my late grandmother had sat at my bedside to read me a story before I doze off. The ride experience was rough, jarring, and loaded with the implication that it’s falling apart (which, in itself, is human). As I tucked myself into bed in my arctic freezing hotel room, i thought to myself: Come morning, that gentle operator and my fellow rider may cease to exist. Perhaps myself too.
- 0
Hiccup's Wing Gliders - Universal Epic Universe
Evan Schwartz 5 months ago

so sweet and lovely and thrilling!
- 0
Stardust Racers (Green) - Universal Epic Universe
Evan Schwartz 5 months ago

Masterpiece Intensity

a great mood stabilizer after an entire day of ride delays and disappointments
- 0
Stardust Racers (Yellow) - Universal Epic Universe
Evan Schwartz 5 months ago

Airtimes Duration

thrilling and visually breathtaking
- 0
Curse of the Werewolf - Universal Epic Universe
Evan Schwartz 5 months ago

Comfort Smoothness Disappointing! Pointless

hilarious given how much money was allocated to everything else in the park
- 0
Flash: Vertical Velocity - Six Flags Great Adventure
Evan Schwartz 6 months ago

going backwards was less than ideal
- 0
Dark Knight - Six Flags Great Adventure
Evan Schwartz 6 months ago

me when my bank account says $1
- 3
Skull Mountain - Six Flags Great Adventure
Evan Schwartz 6 months ago

dramatically ascending into a filthy pitch black dead silent warehouse with no AC was giving bankruptcy tea i can’t even knock it
- 5
Lil' Devil Coaster - Six Flags Great Adventure
Evan Schwartz 6 months ago

i think i crushed lucia’s bones
- 1
Nitro - Six Flags Great Adventure
Evan Schwartz 6 months ago

hubristic tbqh
- 0
Jersey Devil Coaster - Six Flags Great Adventure
Evan Schwartz 6 months ago

my first rmc oh wow
- 0
Medusa - Six Flags Great Adventure
Evan Schwartz 6 months ago

sponsored by dramamine
- 4
El Toro - Six Flags Great Adventure
Evan Schwartz 6 months ago

Airtimes Ejectors Duration

oh wow
- 4
West Coaster - Pacific Park
Evan Schwartz 10 months ago

Dead spots

Don't really remember it but I rode it twice I think.
- 0
Turbulence - Adventureland Long Island
Evan Schwartz 10 months ago

First Drop Too short

True story is I was working on a film production shooting at this park for a day and none of the extras they hired wanted to ride the rollercoaster fo...

True story is I was working on a film production shooting at this park for a day and none of the extras they hired wanted to ride the rollercoaster for the background of one of the shots, so they asked crew members to ride it on a loop for a few takes which is how I ended up riding this four times in a row and coming close to throwing up after.
- 0
Zoomerang - Lake Compounce
Evan Schwartz 10 months ago

One of my first coasters as a kid, got me over my fear of coasters but also just not good and kinda stupid.
- 0
Hollywood Rip, Ride, Rockit - Universal Studios Florida
Evan Schwartz 10 months ago

Theming Discomfort Dead spots

I played Darude Sandstorm on it and laughed hysterically.
- 0
Hagrid’s Magical Creatures Motorbike Adventure - Universal Islands of Adventure
Evan Schwartz 10 months ago

Comfort Fun Duration

Literally nothing more exciting than being restrained to a speeding chair while a fictional character monologues in your ears. It's like having schizo...

Literally nothing more exciting than being restrained to a speeding chair while a fictional character monologues in your ears. It's like having schizophrenia except you get to go home after.
- 0
Thunderbolt - Luna Park
Evan Schwartz 10 months ago

Tear it down!

I demand this be demolished immediately.
- 0
Harry Potter and the Escape from Gringotts - Universal Studios Florida
Evan Schwartz 10 months ago

Comfort Disappointing!

Cute but feels like it needs one more drop or something at the end. Starts out strong and then just kinda fizzles out.
- 0
Revenge of the Mummy - Universal Studios Florida
Evan Schwartz 10 months ago

Fun

It's giving drama. It's giving theatrics. It's giving undead demon mummy monologuing while fire blasts on either side of you. Timeless slay.
- 0
Incredible Hulk - Universal Islands of Adventure
Evan Schwartz 10 months ago

Fun Inversions

Felt like I was gonna puke but still a banger
- 0
VelociCoaster - Universal Islands of Adventure
Evan Schwartz 10 months ago

Airtimes Capacity Comfort

GOATTTTTTTT
- 0
Superman - Ultimate Flight - Six Flags Great Adventure
Evan Schwartz 10 months ago

Disappointing! Discomfort

Yes you feel like Superman but also you're just staring at patchy grass and concrete on the ground.
- 2
Green Lantern - Six Flags Great Adventure
Evan Schwartz 10 months ago

Discomfort

Awful. I want to be sitting on a coaster not standing. Delete this ride.
- 0
Cyclone - Luna Park
Evan Schwartz 10 months ago

Airtimes First Drop Duration

It's like riding a piece of history.
- 0
Dragon Coaster - Playland Park
Evan Schwartz 10 months ago

Duration Discomfort

thought i was gonna die
- 0
Wildcat - Lake Compounce
Evan Schwartz 10 months ago

First Drop Rattle Headbanging Dead spots

Scary because it feels like it's gonna collapse.
- 0
Kingda Ka - Six Flags Great Adventure
Evan Schwartz 10 months ago

Fun Masterpiece Intensity Too short

Went eight times in a row on an after hours event in April, operators let us stay in the vehicle without getting back in line. I screamed so loud.....
- 0
Boulder Dash - Lake Compounce
Evan Schwartz 10 months ago

Airtimes Intensity Ejectors Headbanging Discomfort

It's giving aahhhhhhh eeeeee oooooooo ahhhhhhhh
- 1

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Reviews • Evan Schwartz

Reviews

White Lightning - Fun Spot America

Hiccup's Wing Gliders - Universal Epic Universe

Stardust Racers (Green) - Universal Epic Universe

Stardust Racers (Yellow) - Universal Epic Universe

Curse of the Werewolf - Universal Epic Universe

Flash: Vertical Velocity - Six Flags Great Adventure

Dark Knight - Six Flags Great Adventure

Skull Mountain - Six Flags Great Adventure

Lil' Devil Coaster - Six Flags Great Adventure

Nitro - Six Flags Great Adventure

Jersey Devil Coaster - Six Flags Great Adventure

Medusa - Six Flags Great Adventure

El Toro - Six Flags Great Adventure

West Coaster - Pacific Park

Turbulence - Adventureland Long Island

Zoomerang - Lake Compounce

Hollywood Rip, Ride, Rockit - Universal Studios Florida

Hagrid’s Magical Creatures Motorbike Adventure - Universal Islands of Adventure

Thunderbolt - Luna Park

Harry Potter and the Escape from Gringotts - Universal Studios Florida

Revenge of the Mummy - Universal Studios Florida

Incredible Hulk - Universal Islands of Adventure

VelociCoaster - Universal Islands of Adventure

Superman - Ultimate Flight - Six Flags Great Adventure

Green Lantern - Six Flags Great Adventure

Cyclone - Luna Park

Dragon Coaster - Playland Park

Wildcat - Lake Compounce

Kingda Ka - Six Flags Great Adventure

Boulder Dash - Lake Compounce